Karen previously had a "colleague" who would greet her warmly when they met, with enthusiastic hellos. They weren't particularly chatty in private, but the relationship was okay—they would exchange some information and ask each other for opinions. However, recently some things happened, and many people misunderstood Karen. Of course, it was also because I encountered this situation for the first time and didn't know how to handle it more smoothly, so things got blown out of proportion.
After a while, I had another chance to run into this colleague, but the moment she saw me, she turned away with a sour face. I naturally "attributed" it to that incident, but that situation had nothing to do with her at all. She never even privately asked me what happened—she only saw and heard one-sided accounts, and then "interpreted" my behavior according to what others thought. Such a person is far more despicable and two-faced than someone who would directly criticize you and express their true thoughts.
Effort Only for People Who Truly Care About You! Stay Away from Fake People and Live Better
In the past, I definitely would have been very sad and tried to explain myself, because the old me was the kind of person who wanted to prove I could do better than others, cared deeply about evaluations, and loved meeting others' expectations. But Adler, the author of The Courage to Be Disliked, said: "We tend to judge a person by success or failure—by results—rather than by the ability to face difficulties and overcome them." After experiencing so many "cold shoulders" and paying the price, I've learned to protect myself with walls of bronze and steel. This isn't a lack of empathy at all—it's understanding that there's no need to exhaust yourself trying to get "understanding" from people who don't care about you.
People who truly understand you won't easily misunderstand you. People who truly understand you will ask you first about your thoughts and what happened, and even if they end up blaming you, it's their objective choice. Therefore, we really have no need to care about those "fake" people—they're just trying to use you to get more information. Instead, we should spend our time on "people worth caring about," making great effort to treat them and give to them, because they're the kind of people who, whether or not you care about them, are willing to accept you and support you—they'll also pull you up during low times, so you can both become better people.
