You might be like me — very concerned about others' opinions, so you fear making mistakes and only dare to follow instructions obediently, hoping to gain recognition from others before admitting you're great. Actually, this is a form of imposter syndrome, lacking confidence…
But fortunately, confidence can be built step by step!
Speaking from my own experience, during my student years, my verbal communication skills were very poor. I had to read word-for-word scripts for presentations and would shake so badly I could barely get off stage. But now, I frequently give presentations and speeches on stage. I can confidently say I don't get nervous and I perform well — even pitching in startup competitions. It took about 6-7 years to achieve this, which breaks down into 4 stages.
- Awareness Awakening Phase: Recognizing the source of your lack of confidence and setting goals
When I was young, I wasn't good at conversation, so I didn't have many friends and was often excluded. As I grew older, I realized that if I continued to fear expression, I would lose out my whole life. So I resolved to fix this weakness. My broad goal was "to be able to confidently speak to the public" and "to be able to bravely express my own thoughts."
Of course, goals can be big or small — they don't have to be major life issues.
- Self-Directed Learning Phase: List the things you must practice to achieve your goals, and start with small things to learn on your own
For example, to build courage in speaking, my small goals and practical exercises included:
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Training impromptu speaking ability: For a period of time, whenever I walked down the street, I would narrate what I saw. It looked like I was muttering to myself, but it was to train my reaction speed.
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Recording practice to eliminate filler words: To strengthen my speaking skills, I would give myself a topic, record myself, play it back, note the filler words I frequently use, and deliberately correct them in the next practice.
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Voice training: I was often told I had a regional accent and unclear pronunciation. So I mimicked others' voices and tones, practicing for different situations, and even hired a voice coach for training.
- Immersive Learning Phase: Fully entering the environment of your learning goal.
For this, I threw myself into an environment where I had to speak to the public. After graduation, I chose to work as a journalist. During my time as a TV journalist, I had to stand in front of the camera for live reports. At first, I was nervously shaking, and my cameraman colleagues would say "you're really too nervous." Though embarrassing, I knew this was a challenge I had to face. So I continuously learned from the environment and asked my seniors for advice, learning from them.
Creating an environment for yourself and having good learning role models is very important!
- Verification and Evolution Phase: Practice and optimize through different scenarios and formats.
If you're learning a language, besides reading and doing exercises, you can also go abroad to an all-English environment or talk with foreigners.
If you want to exercise, besides the gym, you can also join a sports community to practice with like-minded people or sign up for a class.
These are all ways of learning through different scenarios.
As for my oral expression skills, my scenario changes included:
"On-camera communication," "small group leadership," "large event hosting," and "public competitions."
Each scenario requires different ways of expression. For example, hosting an event requires the ability to have dialogue and create atmosphere; public competitions require targeted approval. By experiencing vastly in different modes, you simultaneously verify your abilities.
Through this process, you'll discover that if you can handle different scenarios and perform well, you'll also build confidence.
Everyone's source of lacking confidence is different, but if you're willing to change and actually achieve your goals, you can overcome your weaknesses and become a confident person ☺
